Vincent's Habits
by Chauncey Chu
Summary: Vincent peed! Yuffie shrieked. Tifa shook her head. Cloud's jaw dropped. Denzel tried to lick it. Eww. A series of fanfics showcasing Vincent's good and bad habits. Read? :D


**Author's Notes**: Hi guys. This is my first attempt at a fanfic. I think I've grown tired of writing original pieces and ended up with this. It may not be the best, but I'm trying to put all my heart into it. I also think I failed, yes, epic-ly failed, in humor. Anyway, he's the first chapter. Read, enjoy and review. Thanks!

The Habits of a Crimson Vampire

a series of fanfics by Chauncey Chu

**Chapter 1**: Bad Habit: Vincent Peed!

A glass-shattering high-pitched scream from the second floor silenced the busy Seventh Heaven. Sighing, the barmaid glanced at the clock high on the wall. What could possibly go wrong, eight o'clock in the morning?

The people returned to their usual chatting not long after. Obviously, no one was drinking during the early hours. Tifa glanced at Cloud, who was washing the plates. "Manage the bar for me, I'll be back quick," she told the blond before running up to the second floor. She noticed Yuffie just outside the bathroom in the hallway.

"What's wrong Yuffs?"

"Someone leaked in front of the bathroom! And I stepped on it!"

Tifa quickly looked at the floor. A yellow liquid was formed in a puddle.

Yuffie shrieked in disgust and annoyance. "Ugh. Now I gotta take a bath again." She skipped over the puddle on the floor and locked the bathroom door shut. Tifa, feeling a slight tinge of stress, ran back downstairs and grabbed the mop then returned to clean the urine that stained the wooden flooring. Taking a deep breath, she went back downstairs once more.

A few minutes later, Yuffie joined Tifa and gave her a hand. Tifa couldn't help but ask, "Who did that?"

"Did what?"

"The...leak."

Yuffie shrugged. "How should I know?" Tifa raised an eyebrow. "Come to think of it, where's Vincent? Have you seen him?" The ninja slumped on the barstool and replied, "Not really." As if a sudden realization struck her, Yuffie jolted up her seat. "Wait a minute. Vinnie was in a hurry to go potty earlier. He kept on knocking, but I wasn't finish taking a bath so..."

Cloud entered the scene and stood beside Tifa, also interested in the conversation.

Tifa's eyes widened. "You mean..."

Then, the front door of Seventh Heaven creaked open, revealing a familiar gunman. Both Vincent and Yuffie had stayed at the bar for the night since the location they were designated by Reeve for their mission was pretty close by.

The three stared at the gunman, questioning him with wide, curious eyes.

"Heya Vinnie." Yuffie not so ecstatically greeted. The other two gave him a wave. Vincent nodded. Tifa gestured him to come over. "I didn't notice you leave. Where did you go?"

"I had...some business to attend to."

Cloud snickered. Tifa tried not to smirk. Vincent couldn't see what was the reason behind their smiling. Setting the matter aside, he strode to them and paid no heed to it. Not in a good mood, Yuffie forcefully passed him a glass of water. "I think you gotta drink more water, Vince. It was _so _yellow."

Vincent frowned as Cloud snickered again. "No thanks," the man dress in crimson replied though he was uncertain of what she was talking about, remembering to shoot Cloud a glare. Cloud swallowed the arising laugh like a ball of spit. "I'll work on the bathrooms as soon as I can," said the blond. Unusually, the bathrooms of Seventh Heaven, including the public ones and the ones in rooms, were all malfunctioning. No water came out from the showers and the faucets, and the toilets were clogged. Only the one in the hall upstairs was available for use.

Vincent didn't respond. He was being pulled by two strings at each end. "What?"

"Hey, don't ever do that anymore. If you can't hold it in, look for another one," Yuffie grumbled, still angry over stepping on the yellow substance. "I had to take a bath again because of you."

"What?" It was all Vincent could say.

"You're not a dog that can just go around and do his stuff just because he wants to."

"What?"

Yuffie was getting annoyed. "I swear, if you ever say 'what' again, I'll impale my Conformer up your ass."

Vincent clammed his mouth shut. He wasn't normally threatened by anyone, but Yuffie seemed really, really pissed over something, which in this case, _was_ piss indeed. Yuffie rolled her eyes and propped her forehead on her palm. She shifted and gave Vincent her words, "Aren't you even going to apologize?"

"Apologize for what, if I may ask?"

The female shook her head. She shook her head so fast and snappily that Vincent was afraid her neck would dislocate. "Unbelievable. You think we don't know?"

"Yuffie, I do not know what you are talking about," he defended, glancing at Tifa and Cloud, who were watching attentively as the conversation unfolded.

"Don't try and act innocent, Vince. It doesn't suit you."

"I do _not_ know what you are _talking about_," Vincent barked, startling the three and a few customers.

"Just admit it."

"Admit _what?_"

"You peed in front of the bathroom door."

Yuffie said the statement much, much louder than she had wanted. Every single person in the bar turned their heads in unison and stared at the gunman. They could not believe what they just heard. Vincent was no different from them.

Glancing around, he found hundreds of eyes on him. "I did not."

"Well, how can you explain that yellow puddle that screamed good morning at me?"

"What yellow puddle?"

"God, Vincent. Puddle. Urine. Your pee."

"I did not urinate in front of the bathroom door."

"Then why were you such in a rush? You were knocking on the door like your thing was gonna explode."

Vincent half-whispered, "I wanted to ask you to hurry up. Reeve had called me to proceed to the designated spot nearly ten times already."

"Oh," Yuffie simply said, anger gone in an instant. She glanced at Cloud. "You peed?"

"M-me? Of course not!" Cloud glanced at Tifa, who glared at him. Regretting his actions, he turned and faced the wall immediately.

"Tifa...?" Yuffie inquired.

"Yuffie! How insulting! I would never do such a thing. I was busy all morning here downstairs until you screamed after stepping on it."

Yuffie placed her finger on her chin and looked heavenward. She pondered, "Vincent, I'm sure it was you. There's no other suspect."

"It was not my doing!" He slammed his fist on the countertop, causing the glass of water to fall over. Its contents spilled over Cloud's pants. Vincent gave him a glance of apology, which was replied with an extremely furious glare of the spiky-haired swordsman.

"Let's just forget about it. It's not a big issue anyway," Tifa offered.

Raising her hands for emphasis, Yuffie retorted, "Not a big issue? Where have you seen an adult wetting his or her own pants?" Yuffie, Tifa, and even Vincent glanced at Cloud and shook their heads in pity. "W-What?!," Cloud stammered, glaring at all of them afterwards.

"I still think Vincent did it," Yuffie muttered under her breath, earning a titter from Tifa. It was a good thing Vincent didn't hear it. He would probably spill another glass or two at poor Cloud.

The following day, Yuffie woke up and proceeded directly to the bathroom to take a shower. Doing so was her daily routine whenever she was permitted to stay in Seventh Heaven. Reeve had called the night before and informed them that their mission was canceled. He sent a different pair of his men to take on the mission instead, disappointed at their unsatisfactory speed in doing the mission. Refreshed from the warm shower, Yuffie allowed herself to hum an old Wutaian hymn as she opened the bathroom door.

Splotch. She looked down to her feet.

"VINCENT!"

The said man peered from the door of his room. "What?" Ears puffing out smoke, Yuffie pointed downwards. He followed the direction of her hand. There it was again. Vincent's brows furrowed and his eyes narrowed.

Tifa came panting up the stairs. She saw the two and slapped her forehead. "Not again."

Cloud emerged from his own room, still in his sleepwear. "What in Gaia..." He saw the puddle and shook his head, walking back into his room and slamming the door behind him.

"It was not me!" Vincent protested. But, no one believed him.

* * *

A/N: Did you like it? =/ I'll upload more Vincent torture if I get any feedback whatsoever. My mind wasn't completely working when I did this, so don't be angry please. :D


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